In all my years of living, I have worn many different hats. I have been a daughter, a little sister, an auntie. I then acknowledged that I was also a daughter of our Creator and King, which served to be the ever present identity, always humming inside me, no matter how I chose to behave or…misbehave. I still falter, only on a not-so-frequent basis now. Becoming Sadie is an on-going process that continues to this very second. I feel the minute I stop learning and growing, I am dead.
My mom is 96 years old and understands that she is still burgeoning within herself spiritually. She has also found that this inner growth reflects and shapes her old outer body and has healing properties. Thank you Jesus that I can still push ‘Mom’ on my phone and she pops up on the other end. I thought (and so did she) that she would be long gone from this world by now. So, let this be a lesson to all you financial procrastinators; you never know how long you will live, so start rounding up those coffee cans and stuffing them full of gold.
I have to center myself to continue on right now. I cannot write about who I am and who I want to become through the lens of other people, no matter now much I love them.
Inside this mother’s heart, lies a fierce flame which started the day I became a mom. It is inexplicable to those who are not mothers. And..this flame burns for MY children. Do not get me wrong, I love my grandkids. Very much. But, they are a womb away from me and were not the definitive, defining reason in becoming who I am.
I love my children and want what God has for them. I pray that they are open to seek His path in their lives and that they fulfill the role He has laid out for them. They doubled the size of my heart and led me to the realization that I am not what it is all about.
God gave me these humans and I raised them to the best of my ability. Then I handed them back to God. I have stepped off the active playing field and am sitting in the bleachers now. Being their mom was my privilege and pleasure and it is my greatest accomplishment in life. Hubs and I made the decision for me to stay home with them. I left behind possibilities for myself and put these 2 little humans at the center of my life. I worked on their possibilities and promise with prayer, frustration, self-doubt and the giddiness that comes when it is time for your kid to take a nap. There is power in the love of a mother. I had never felt anything so pure, so strong and so all encompassing as that maternal love. And, just because they are grown up now, with lives of their own, doesn’t mean I feel any different. I am pretty sure I could still lift a car if they were under it, or gladly take a bullet for them. They have chiseled me out like no job or career ever could. I have been in sales, marketing, advertising…I had a few years of spotty university (hated it) but until the moment I became a mother, I was a small fraction of who I was created to be.
Do not get me wrong in any way. We all have our niche and God designed us to function and excel at different things. I found myself when I became a mom. Period.
WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT
That is why, when I see the women in news stories, MOTHERS(!!) fighting for the right to have hormones injected into their children, or standing behind them watching a gay pride parade (with some giant man dangling his junk in the child’s face) or taking them to drag queen story hour, I wonder what the hell is wrong with those women? Are they defective?
It breaks my heart to think of those little souls being painted with the harsh perverted brush of evil. To imagine that a mother’s love would be misshapen and distorted to pervert a little child into an unrecognizable version of God’s perfect creation makes me sick. And when I say perfect creation, I mean superb. We, as ourselves in all our glory, are never closer to God Himself than the minute we are born. Purely unadulterated. To think that man would immediately stick the Creators masterpiece with man-made serum, vipers venom and sharp needles makes me think hard about how twisted this human coil has truly become.
How? How does something like this happen? I suppose it happens because we trust the wrong thing. We put our faith in a government entity, a food pyramid or a man in a white coat. We forget our gut. You know that feeling, right? That deep down niggling inside that speaks truth to our mind. That.
WOW--you touched on so many facets of my own life that were defining and superbly, supernaturally created. Momsmenship SURELY outranks salesmanship (most of my career involved that path--and it was satisfying--but PALES in comparison to being a Mom). Now...I am 77 years young--don't feel any different than I did 25 years ago...but the mirror tells me that "time has taken its toll". SO WHAT!!! I look forward to loving, living, sharing & caring as long as our Creator gives me breath!
As for those women who support and even promot "trans'ing" their children...I cannot fathom ever doing such a heinous act to any innocent child--but I would imagine most of them aver they do "because I love my child". So...who are we to judge--we are ALL 'made of clay' - let Jehovah judge them (and He surely will).
I am ever mindful that "We are weak and He is strong" - so I CLING to the Rock Who is higher than I (as the old Christian hymn recounts).
Keep writing, SadieJay--I enjoy your missives so much!
Very powerful! As a mom, I thank you.