Amazombies

Knock knock

As I have said previously, I live rural. Super Rural. I am pretty sure that I was one of the first Netflix customers, over 23 years ago. They used to mail us DVD’s and we would watch them and then mail back in a prepaid envelope. It was the best find ever. There was no such thing as streaming and we barely had dial up internet. It was super frustrating because the world was almost within reach. Almost. Or so we thought. As I look back to that time before this internet, was it better? My answer is HECK YES.

Even as a young mother, I cut off Dish Network. It was just too much. Too much crap easily accessible to my little children and I didn’t want them to see that. It was better to subscribe to Netflix and carefully pick our movies on an excruciatingly slow dial up connection, wired into the wall.

The kids would play outside, read books, make hideouts and play with friends. They would hunt, break arms, ride 4-wheelers and motorcycles and have sleepovers. They were just kids. And when the movie arrived, it was a big deal. We live 6 miles from town and town is 160 people. RURAL. If we wanted to go to a video store to rent something, it was 28 miles away. And then 28 miles back. In today’s gas dollars that would cost $15.

I recently went into my Amazon account to see if I legit really did buy a Hutzler Banana Slicer. What an eye opener. It has all our purchase history, right there in black and white. One year we only bought FOUR things from Amazon. How? How did we only buy 4 things from the big A, in a whole year? That must mean that we actually went to stores and walked up and down aisles looking for what we wanted and needed. How weird.

I became addicted in 1999, when Amazon sold only books and I bought seven. I did party because it was 1999, but the only drawback was, I woke up in Y2K with a hell of a hangover. Prince never sang about that part. I am sure I was grateful to be able to buy 3 books that year.

In 2001 I bought a…wait for it…CD! You remember those, right? And I bought 7 books. So, a few books a year, then nothing in 2006. In 2007, since I didn’t have TV, I had to buy Desperate Housewives and 24. These telltale purchases might be giving too much away about my character. Let’s just say I am not Russia, but I am still “ a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma”.*

In 2008, I bought books and DVD’s, but wait! What is this? Makeup? Ahhhh… the Amazon is branching out. (Yes, I meant to say that) It is VERY disconcerting to go back 20 years and see all my transactions with this behemoth in one place. And so easily accessible. When I run for public office, this could get messy.

Oh…here we go. In 2011, I start buying sheets, giftcards, toys for grandkids and all sorts of other things. And…there is my old credit card number. It is like a digital walk down Memory Hole Lane. There were 19 items purchased, and some were even sent to other addresses. There were 7 orders in 2012, 16 orders in 2013 etc. To save you the excruciating detail, let’s just skip to 2022 when there were 74 orders placed. I will admit that a few of those were for my 95 year old mom, but still! Come on…!! (Yeah, Hubs helped, this is NOT just me)

I am not going to make up excuses or even look closely at what I have ordered. Did I really need it? Of course! >s< ← denotes sarcasm

It is just so easy and convenient to have it delivered for free, especially out here in the sticks. And…during the coof? Yes, I bought stuff. And, yes, I was guilty of using wipes to get the cooties off one of my orders.

So, I admit that I am an Amazombie. I take full responsibility. The convenience has hurt the mom and pop stores that relied on people like me to get off their couch and search it out. Or use the telephone and let our fingers do the walkin’.

Add to the direct to consumer goods is also the streaming services offered. DV…huh? Dish who? I buy the shows I want and stream, and pay more for Discovery+ so I don’t have to watch commercials. I will not subject myself to the sheer torture of commercials propaganda.

Remember when you wanted stuff and had to wait? Wait until you had the cash in hand? Wait until you went to town? Wait until you were 21? Wait until next Thursday night to find out who really killed JR? (Spoiler alert! It wasn’t suicide!)

Oh, Aerosmith’s new album was coming out? Yeah, I had to wait until the record store got in the tape. Waiting was a part of life. I remember waiting.

Yet, today, it is all about instant gratification. I remember my first iPod. Oh the glory! What is this magical device that could fit ALL my CD’s in the palm of my hand? Oh the miracle! It wasn’t that long ago either. Now, there is no need for an iPod, camera or a separate phone. It is all wrapped up into one device. A device that can track our whereabouts, should we ever get taken to the train station.

As I make a concerted effort to stay true to my last Substack, it is now June 5th and I haven’t bought anything. Everyday without a buy this month is closer to a win.♥

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*'A riddle wrapped up in an enigma' is a shortened form of a quotation made by Sir Winston Churchill, in a radio broadcast in October 1939:

"I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma; but perhaps there is a key. That key is Russian national interest."

https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/a-riddle-wrapped-up-in-an-enigma.html