“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”—Pudd’nhead Wilson’s New Calendar. 1897
“What in the literal fresh hell is this?”—Me. Now.
You have got to be kidding me? Really. Has anyone read or seen The Hotzone?
I am not a fan of creepy monkeys. They have been low on my list since I first watched The Wizard of Oz. Those flying monkeys? Yeah, hell to the NO. Those things are still effing scary. Add that childhood annual traumatization to my sailor husband telling me that when he was on this island somewhere that I never want to go, you had to be careful of the monkeys. Especially the males. You couldn’t even really enjoy the tropical climate by sipping a beer in one of the many open air pubs because monkeys.
He said the males would swing into the bar looking for any available hole, like an ear hole. They would find one on the side of an unsuspecting patron and wrap their monkey legs around someone’s head and stick their little…uh hum…monkey dicks into their ear hole and start humping away. You can imagine my trauma and horror. I carried that around for almost 25 years. Until I finally got a clue. I lived 25 years of my life believing that monkeys will eff your head, if given the chance. Jokes on me! Good one, babe! For 38 years now, I have been subjected to him making small, shrill monkey noises (eee eee eee) and sticking his finger into my ear at every opportunity. What can I say? I was young and hadn’t even been to Yosemite when we got together. WHAT A DUMMY.
And now, today, this article from The Gateway Pundit.
BREAKING: South Carolina on High Alert — Authorities Warn Residents to Lock Doors and Windows After 40+ Monkeys Escape Research Facility
South Carolina authorities have issued an urgent alert for residents in Beaufort County after more than 40 rhesus macaque monkeys escaped from the Alpha Genesis research facility in Yemassee late Wednesday.
The young primates, which reportedly weigh between 6 and 7 pounds, broke free from their enclosures, prompting a full-scale response from local law enforcement.
The Yemassee Police Department has advised residents to lock their doors and windows, stressing the potential for the skittish primates to wander into populated areas.
Multiple officers are currently collaborating with Alpha Genesis personnel, deploying traps, thermal imaging, and food-based lures to recapture the animals.
The department warned that additional noise or movement could hinder the monkeys’ safe capture, and has requested that residents report sightings by dialing 911, cautioning against approaching or attempting to capture the animals.
Yemassee Police Department released the following statement:
At approximately 1pm on Wednesday November 6, 2024, the Yemassee Police Department received an alert from Alpha Genesis regarding the escape of numerous Rhesus Macaque primates from their enclosures at the Yemassee facility located at 95 Castle Hall Rd, Yemassee SC. The number has since been confirmed to be 43.
The primates are described as very young females weighing approximately 6-7lbs, the animals have never been used for testing due to their young age and size. A spokesperson from Alpha Genesis can confirm that these animals are too young to carry disease.
The Yemassee Police Department, in collaboration with Alpha Genesis, have initiated search teams to help locate the escaped primates. Alpha Genesis currently have eyes on the primates and are working to entice them with food.
The public is advised to avoid the area as these animals are described at skittish and any additional noise or movement could hinder their safe capture.
Residents are urged to keep their doors and windows securely closed and to report any sightings immediately by dialing 911. Please do not attempt to approach these animals under any circumstances.
Updated information will be released as it becomes available.
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Situation Update
We can confirm that 43 Rhesus macaque primates escaped the Alpha Genesis facility on Castle Hall Road. At this point, none have been captured.
We want to assure the community that there is no health risk associated with these animals.
Current Actions Taken
Trap Setup: Traps have been strategically set up around the area to capture the escaped animals safely.
Thermal Imaging: The Yemassee Police Department is using thermal imaging cameras to aid in locating the primates.
Safety Advisory for Residents
Residents are strongly advised to keep doors and windows securely closed to prevent the primates from entering homes.
If you spot any escaped animals, do not approach them and call 911 immediately.
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So, these monkeys are safe? They have not been experimented on, you tell me? They hold no grudges against humans? For putting them in cages and NOT experimenting on them? Yeah, right. Like I believe that. What is this, the Wuhan wet market?
Whatever could go wrong? Don’t ask me. Around here we practice the Triple S Rule. Shoot, Shovel and Shut Up.
Your husband is a mean, mean man!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I love monkeys but would be more than a tad afraid of 43 escaped monkeys! 🙈 I’d worry about my pets mostly. And I don’t believe they’d be normal after being in a cage for years, and don’t believe they haven’t been experimented on.
Be thankful that they are rhesus macaques and not cynomolgus macaques. Cynomolgus macaques used in research are generally wild-caught and often carry a virus called Herpes B. This is not the herpes that causes "fever blisters". No, Herpes B makes Covid look like a common cold. I worked at a research facility that had an employee die from a Herpes B infection. By the time you and your doctors realize what you are dealing with, it is often too late. We were told to tell our families and our health care providers that we worked at a lab that had monkeys that were potentially infected with Herpes B and what the initial symptoms were, so they would know what to test for and start treatment. Even with immediate treatment, the survival rate is way, way, way, way, way poorer than Covid's. Now here's something that should send chills down your spine. About 100 years ago some guy down in central Florida--you know, the part where all the tourists go--decided it would be a great idea to import some cynomolgus macaques to place on his private island. Well, guess what? The monkeys escaped from the island and are now roaming loose in Florida, and yes, some of them DO carry Herpes B virus. If that isn't enough to keep you awake at night, let me tell you that you do not have to have direct contact with an infected monkey to catch it. You can catch it if you've touched a surface that has had recent contact with the infected monkey's body fluids.