Shhhh...it's Fine.
Close Your Eyes. It Will All Be Over Soon. Shhhh.
I would like to own a business. Maybe a business that sells, say…green underwear briefs. One size only. Size XXXL. My company has chugged along well enough. But then, wait! What is this? I have a friendly who works in the capital of a nation and they have been talking to people who make laws and represent people and stuff. Turns out, my friend is so persuasive that he has made a deal to make us rich rich rich! Wow! I am already picking out what farm animals I will need on the private island I buy. Turns out, this deal is a mandate that will force all the people to wear the giant green underwear that I make. Not everyone wants to wear the giant green XXXL underwear, because, well, they are giant. And for a man. And will give us panty lines. Not one size fits all. These giant green underwear could be a hazard because they were made from fibers found at a toxic waste dump. But, hey, if we could get giant green underwear forced upon everyone in the whole world, who cares?! We would be rich. And Elite. But wait. What is this? Your underwear is dissolving and now you are getting shit stains on your pants? Well! Let’s get another pair of giant green underwear mandated, by the government. You must wear the new pair of giant green underwear over the first one. Here I have a sweet deal. A government telling private citizens they have to wear the giant green underwear. Don’t worry! They are free to YOU. The government is paying my company billions of dollars to buy these mandated giant green underwear created with fibers from a toxic waste dump. It’s okay. Super okay. Because the government loves you and just wants to cuddle. If you are a woman, we all know the ending to that story. If you are a man reading this…you know what I am talking about, don’t pretend that you don’t. So, with 2 pair of giant green underwear under the belt, business goes on. Or not. What is this? Your 2 pair of giant green underwear are disintegrating? Oh no! We did not see that one coming. Turns out our buddies on the hill will pay us even more money and tell you that you have to wear a THIRD pair of giant green underwear over the other two, the remains of which are being absorbed into your system because you can never take them off once you put them on. EVER. No “going commando” again. Giant green underwear always and forever. But, evil CEO that I am…I am not happy or evil enough, so I get on TV. The internet. Facebook. CNN. Fox News. OAN. I tell people that even though I can’t see through their pants, I know their giant green underwear are dissolving. I feel the need to “suggest” that a 4th green pair of giant underpants be worn. Oh, when is this all going to end? But hello.…the cuddling is over and you know what happens next. OH! Wait! Is this a cigarette in my hand? Yep, it happened. Where were you?
mandate (n.)
c. 1500, "a command, a judicial or legal order," from French mandat (15c.) and directly from Latin mandatum "commission, command, order," noun use of neuter past participle of mandare "to order, commit to one's charge," literally "to give into one's hand," probably from manus "hand" (from PIE root *man- (2) "hand") + dare "to give" (from PIE root *do- "to give").
mandatory (adj.)
1570s, "of the nature of a mandate, containing a command," from Late Latin mandatorius "pertaining to a mandator" (one who gives a charge or command), from Latin mandatus, past participle of mandare (see mandate (n.)). Sense of "obligatory because commanded" is from 1818.