The Medal That Should Have Been

Ol' One Eye will not see the Olympic platform.

*Authors note: This one is for red-blooded women. Real Gals who appreciate Real Men. If you are easily offended or think that I am above a little bawdiness now and then, well, take a hard pass and move on. Nothing To See Here.

As we are being slapped left and right with gender propaganda, disgusting displays in Pride parades and all the freaks who don’t know if they are a man or a woman…this crap is just ONE of the things I have had it with.

The display at the Ozempics Olympics opening ceremony was a hideous in-your-face mentally deranged Last Supper parody. I am SO foxtrotting tired of seeing men dressed as scary, ugly women, like demon women, like No REAL Woman I have ever seen. I am aghast at the blasphemy and sacrilege. (Well, not really. Nothing surprises me most days, even when it should.)

The Olympics are NOT over, unfortunately. I don’t follow it and never will. Kudos to the advertisers that did pull their advertising during the games of Sodom and Gomorrah 2024.

And letting men compete in a sport against women because their hormones passed the Olympic Gender Eligibility Test? What about the old fashioned kind of test where you pulled down your pants to check for a coochee or a weiner? Maybe a hand mirror if you wanted to do it privately? Watching the Algerian biological male beat up Angela Carini in an Olympic event was just too much. What in the literal hell is going on?

Brutal fight footage has emerged of the boxer who has been cleared to compete in women’s Olympics events despite previously failing testosterone tests.

Imane Khelif of Algeria and Lin Yu‑ting of Taiwan were disqualified from the world championships in India last year after tests proved ‘they had XY chromosomes’, raising questions over their biological sex.

The fighters have been cleared to compete in Paris by the International Olympic Committee, however, with double Olympian and current world champion Claressa Shields among those condemning the developments and demanding greater protection for fighters.

And now for the good news, ladies…

In case you have been hiding in a hole, Footage of French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati accidentally knocking off the bar with his crotch Saturday is understandably getting media coverage.

Ammirati was attempting to qualify for the Paris Olympics final at Stade de France but won the internet instead. Video shows him first hitting the bar with his leg and then dislodging it completely with his package on the way down.

I am beyond sad. Real women are sad. The internet is blow ing up with head lines. So many puns, long ones, short ones. You know the drill. He obviously didn’t head to the nearest Target (Tar-jay in France) to pick up a package of pickled pepper binding briefs.

But, after being bombarded with men who pretend to be women, who are manscaped and manicured, loafered and loofahed, Ralph Laurened and not Wrangled, I am pretty sick of sissies.

I think we should start a Go-ld-Fund-Me-dal for Anthony. Or if you prefer the other giving site, Give-Send-Go-ld. He is not the one who should be leaving the Cardboard Olympic Village in shame. The hideous opening act people should be forced to live there and eat the not-protein cafeteria food.

Ammirati’s performance is nothing to make fun of, especially today. I will not trade one Anthony Ammirati for hundreds of dragerts.

So ladies, round up all that gold jewelry you have laying around, because really, it is so yesterday…and let’s melt it down and send Sir Anthony The All Star Johnson Medal. He wins The Olympics. And I will give his testosterone a 10/10. What more could a real girl want??