Warning!

Don't be stupid.

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There are dangers we face. Every. Single. Day. Who knew there were so many things that could kill off humanity, one electrical outlet at a time? As if Uncle Klaus needs help. ~sigh~

I find it especially ironic that all products come with a special note to Californians. And Californians only. This love-note indicates extreme compliance by the product manufacturer, for the protection of California citizens from the inanimate. Forget about the Revolving Door of Justice in the once Golden State, forget about the rampant crime and hypodermic needle pimps that sit in the Statehouse or City Hall. Are you kidding me? The headline below says all you need to know about the state and its captives, I mean ‘citizens’.

I have ripped all the warning labels off hair dryers, irons, curling irons, pillows, ladders and so much more. The labels insult me and I take it personally.

How am I still breathing? How ever did I live without reading a warning label? I think this shows I am critical thinker. I feel equipped to see the aliens land tomorrow. You know it’s coming, right?

You also know someone must have done all these things. Done all these things that cause the ridiculous to be included in the warnings. Go ahead…let your mind expand and picture the carnage of people doing just what the labels warn against.

I was at the store the other day and picked up a strange brown carton with all these little weird indentations. What could it be? Turns out it was eggs. Eggs. Complete with a warning on the carton stating: “WARNING: THIS PRODUCT MAY CONTAIN EGGS.” What a knee head slapper.

I have signed many checks and legal documents in my day. My signature magically made money disappear. I am really upset that I did not use this pen. “Label: The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents.” That is one warning they definitely should have left off. I think I will go buy one and head to the bank to replace a pen or two that lives on the end of a chain.

MDW customer relations rep said: "In light of the way the world is behaving, it seemed like a good idea to take a preventative measure".”

Now, I do not know about you, but around here we have critters. We don’t want predators coming around to eat our golden-egg layers. This bag of whatever this bag is full of, doesn’t look particularly tasty. But, it says on the label, “Not for human consumption.” It is MDW Outdoor Group's fox/bobcat urine powder. The missing ingredient in Avocado Toast.

I bought a new iron last year. I looked at the box. There was a warning that said “Do not iron clothes on body.” Well! The nerve. Trying to control how I use my iron! But, they did leave the option open of pummeling someone around and about the head.

Hopefully this little hussy is ironing her skirt.

I love riding a bike. But, the kids love scooters. The push kind with wheels. You know, they go round and round? Here is a warning from the label of a scooter.

“This product moves when used.”

I remembering getting my daughter an iPod shuffle back in ‘the day’. The warning label said on it “DO NOT EAT.” So, did someone really eat one? I have to know.

Now, when I look at labels, it is to see where things are made. It usually says "Made in China”. We try not to go there, but are finding it more difficult to avoid. 4 years ago “Made in China” products were everywhere and cheap. Now, they are even more everywhere and WAY more expensive. That box of masks that the receptionist-bully at the medical office tries to force on us? Yeah, China!! Just like the Coof test and their contaminated q-tip..made in China. *They are trying to kill us, I swear.

There is NO difference between a warning label and a product information sheet. It is one and the same. WARNING! Your country cannot produce mass goods and services anymore and they have to outsource every little thing! WARNING!’

I was going to buy some Claritin the other day and looked to see if they copped up to where it was manufactured. They surely did. It was right there in blue and white; Made in India. Is that better than China? Is it better than Pakistan? My favorite jeans are made in Pakistan. Does something made in a country of extrovert extremists, who want to kill us with bombs, trump buying something made in another country by sneaky extremists who want to kill us with everything else? Oh, and there is no warning label or words of caution on an insert for the injectable. You know what I am talking about, right? And, no fast-talking-disclaimer-guy spouting warnings and side effects at the end of those TV or radio commercials, like every other drug on the planet. What’s up with that? Oh. Right. I remember! *See above.

And, no, I did not buy the Claritin. I went to the farmer’s market and bought local honey instead.

I believe, that if there were no inane warning labels on products, the consequences of stupid would be epic. Now, that would be an interesting reset.